Different Floors of the House

Friday, March 12, 2010

Food Cops Strike Again!

Is Sugar Salt legal?

Do you remember THIS?

You probably don't, because only 31 people on the planet read that :D

Woohoo! I'm famous!

Well, maybe you should read THIS.

The government governs, my friends.

 Told you so.  Told you so.  Told you so.

That's it, that's all.

Renaming the N.Y. Times!

Ten pages.

No, I mean...TEN PAGES!

That's how many pages it took the ever-captious NY Times magazine to mount a full frontal assault on Texas's board of education...I mean edumacation (Oh my God I've been brainwashed by the Times already!  I only read the one article, I swear it!)  Texas, it seems, is going to turn THE ENTIRE COUNTRY into stark raving Christian Coalition members.  Run!

Apparently, Texas is w-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-y more influential than you or I ever dreamed.  All other states BOW at the dictatorial behest of a handful of, get this, SCHOOL BOARD MEMBERS FROM TEXAS.  Mwah.  Mwah.  Mwahahahahahaha!

Man, all we need is a chainsaw and some ketchup and we got ourselves a horror film dynasty just waiting to grace the screens of theaters everywhere.  Can't you taste how good this could be?  Diamonds, baby.  Diamonds.

You know what I like about the New York Times?  Nothing.  They are such lying shitbags it makes me sick to even look at the name in print.  I'm never typing the words: New, York and Times in the same sentence ever again on this blog.  You have my word on that.  Maybe someone could help me think up a demeaning nom de guerre for the Times.  I believe "The Fishwrap" is already spoken for--heck I think the Wrinkly Old Gray Lady (a.k.a. Decrepit Hoary Tired Ass Times of that city which shall not be named in this sentence) was the first official "fishwrap".  Meh.  I'll figure out a good name for it.

You're damned right I will.

I guess I could go through the trouble of spelling out what the hell is wrong with Mr. Russell Shorto's lopsided piece in that filthrag...but I'm not gonna.  Read it for yourself, HERE.  I'd rather sit here and make fun of Mr. Shorto's last name.  I mean who wouldn't, right?

Nah.  He's a liberal, he's got lawyers and isn't afraid to use them.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Chickens, Ducks, and Hospitality...What could go wrong?

Formerly published by the Heretical Press in Two Forbidden Voices and now out of print
The Fable of the Ducks and the Hens

Lincoln Rockwell

Many, many years ago
When animals could speak,
A wondrous thing the ducks befell;
Their tale is quite unique.

Down by a pond dwelt all these ducks
Ten thousand at the least
Their duckish joys were undisturbed
By any man or beast.

One day down near the entrance gate
There was an awful din
A hundred hens all out of breath
Were begging to come in.

"Oh let us in" these poor birds cried
"Before we do expire!
'Tis only by the merest inch
That we escaped the fire!"

Their feathers burned, their combs adroop
They were the saddest sight.
They'd run a hundred miles or more,
All day and then all night.

"Come in! Come in!" the ducks all quacked,
"For you our hearts do bleed!
We'll share our happy lot with you;
Just tell us what you need!"

And so these poor bedraggled hens
Amongst the ducks moved in.
"For after all," the ducks declared,
"We're sisters 'neath the skin."

Before too many months had lapsed,
The hens were good as new.
They sent for all their rooster friends,
And those were welcomed too.

To please their hosts, these chickens tried
To waddle and to quack.
To imitate the duckish ways,
They quickly learned the knack.

This pleased the flock of ducks because
It gratified their pride.
But hear my tale and learn how they
Got taken for a ride.

The ducks, it seemed, spent all their time
In fixing up the place,
In growing food and building homes
And cleaning every space.

They asked the hens what they would do
To earn their daily bread.
"We'll teach and write and entertain
And buy and sell," they said.

And so these hens began to teach
The baby ducks and chicks.
They traded food and eggs and things,
With many clever tricks.

They wrote great books and put on shows
Of genius they'd no lack.
It wasn't long till chickens owned
The Duckville Daily Quack.

One day a mother duck who took
Her ducklings to the lake,
Was flabbergasted when one said,
"A swim I will not take!"

"Why duckling's always swim" she gasped,
"It's what you're built to do!
Like bunnies hop, and crickets chirp,
And cows most always moo!"

"You're nuts!" her son replied,
"That stuff is all old hat!
It's wrong for birds to swim, besides
It's damn cold on my prat!"

"Oh fie!" the mother duck exclaimed,
"You're talking like a fool!"
Up quacked the other ducklings then:
"He's right! We learned in school!"

"Such talk must stop!" the mother cried,
"Those hens can't tell such lies!
For sheer ingratitude and nerve,
I'm sure this takes the prize!"

But she was wrong, for even then
The hens did thump the tub
Demanding they be let into
The Duckville Swimming Club.

"But you don't swim!" the ducks exclaimed,
"To join, why should you care?"
"That's not the point" the hens replied,
"To exclude us isn't fair!"

The younger ducks, who'd been to school
Agreed right there and then:
"To keep them out is bigotry!
'Twould just be anti-hen!"

Outnumbered by the younger ducks,
The old ducks soon did lose.
The hens could join the Swimming Club,
If they would pay the dues.

That night the Duckville Daily Quack
Contained this banner spread:

Down at the Duckville Gaity,
The young set laughed with glee,
At cracks about "old fuddy ducks"
In burlesque repartee.

Next day the hens were at the Club;
A petition they'd sent round
They objected to the Swimming Fund
With fury and with sound.

"You use our dues to fix the pond,
To keep it neat and trim
And this is wrong" they said, "because
You know we do not swim!"

"God help us!" exclaimed a wise old duck,
"Those chickens have gone mad!
We'll take this thing to court, by George!
And justice will be had!"

But when they went before the judge,
Imagine their dismay!
A chicken judge decreed that they
A heavy fine must pay!

"Minorities must have their rights!"
The judge declared right then
"To use hens' dues to fix the pond
Is very anti-hen!"

Once more the Duckville Daily Quack
Emblazoned 'cross the page:

In Duckville's church, on Sunday morn
The preacher spoke these words:
"Discrimination's got to stop!
Remember, we're all birds!"

The wisest duck in all the town
Sat down in black despair
"I'll write a book," he thought, "and then
This madness I will bare!"

"Let swimmers swim, let hoppers hop,
Let each go his own way
Let none coerce a fellow bird!"
Was what he had to say.

"'Twas wrong to force the hens to swim,
So here's the problem's crux:
It's just as bad for hens to try
To chickenize our ducks!"

"I can't print that" the printer said
"'Twill put me in a mess!
My shop is mortgaged to the hens
The chickens own my press!"

This worried duck then tried to warn
His friends by speech and pen,
But young ducks fresh from school just jeered,
"He's a vicious anti-hen!"

Now up the stream a little way
Was Gooseville, on the lake
The hens had come to Gooseville too,
But the geese were more awake.

When the hens began to spoil the young
And Gooseville's laws to flout,
The geese rose up in righteous wrath
And simply threw them out.

Of course you know where they all ran;
On Duckville they converged
"We've got to take these refugees"
Was what the ducks all urged.

The Duckville Daily Quack declared:
"Those geese will stop at naught!
They plan to conquer all the world!
Atrocities they've wrought!"

"That's right!" the young ducks all agreed,
"We'll help our fellow birds!
Those geese have plans to conquer us!
We've read the Quack's own words!"

They let the hens from Gooseville in,
The whole bedraggled pack
And every hen took up a job
On Duckville's Daily Quack.

When Duckville's Mayor's term was up,
The Quack put up its duck;
A vain and stupid duck he was,
A veritable cluck!

But when he praised the wild young ducks
And cursed the evil geese,
The Quack declared he was "all-wise"
His praise would never cease.

The hens chipped in to help this cluck
Give grain away for free
The old ducks sadly shook their heads,
The writing they could see.

And sure enough, this stupid duck,
He was elected Mayor
From this point on, the Duckville ducks,
They never had a prayer.

The Mayor said, "Gooseville must go!
We'll wipe them off the map!"
While Duckville slept, the scheming hens
For Gooseville set a trap.

They called the geese by filthy names;
They filled their pond with sticks
They helped the weasels catch the geese,
And other hennish tricks.

The geese got mad and threw some rocks,
"IT'S WAR!" the Quack announced:
"We ducks must fight those evil geese
Till they've been soundly trounced!"

The ducks (who knew not of the tricks
Indulged in by the Mayor)
Were filled with patriotic zeal,
And pitched right in for fair.

Now when the ducks had whipped the geese
The Mayor called "Retreat!
Our Henville friends should really take
Goosevilles's big main street!"

The hens are back in Gooseville now;
They starved and beat the geese
They prayed for peace but organized
The Henville Armed Police.

They drained the Gooseville swimming pond;
And 'De-goose-ified' the schools,
They wrung the neck of Gooseville's Mayor
On lately made up rules.

They formed a council of the hens,
'United Birds' the name
The other birds who joined the thing
Did not perceive their game.

No sooner had they set this up,
Than they announced their plan
To seize up Swanville as a home
For all their hennish clan.

They took a vote amongst the hens,
And every one approved!
"Swanville was for hens!" they said,
"Way back, before we moved."

And so they kicked the swans all out
With Duckville's help and power
And Duckville could not understand
Why swans on them turned sour.

By this time, Duckville was a mess;
The young ducks had gone mad
They stole and laughed at truth and law
They'd gone completely bad.

The hens were selling loco weed
In every nasty den
But ducks who dared to mention this
Were labelled 'anti-hen.'

The hens all preached of 'Tolerance';
They invoked the 'Golden Rule'
But they subsidized the indigent,
The greedy and the fool.

At last the very dumbest ducks
Began to smell a rat
"This Mayor is no good" they cried
"And we will soon fix that!"

But the hens had planned for even this
A candidate they had,
Whom even wise old ducks believed
Just never could be bad.

This hen-tool duck had whipped the geese;
A soldier duck was he
Although the hens had set him up,
The ducks all thought him free.

This hen-tool got elected,
Through ignorance and greed,
Through hennish lies in press and speech
And bribes of 'chicken feed.'

The hens now kicked the ducks around,
Without a blush of shame
Until the Mayor ran the town
In nothing else but name.

They pumped the swimming pond all dry;
They taught the ducks to crow
While duckish numbers dwindled,
The hens began to grow.

The hens stirred up the happy crows
From out the piney wood
To fight and mix and marry ducks
In the name of 'Brotherhood.'

Things got so bad that fifty ducks
Who knew of days gone by,
Took up their wives and children
And decided that they'd fly.

They flew through storm and tempest;
They froze, and many died
But on they drove, until at last
A lovely lake they spied.

They settled down exhausted,
But soon went straight to work
To build and clear and cultivate,
No danger did they shirk.

Now after many years of toil,
This little band had grown
The fields around were full of grain
From seeds that they had sown.

The first ducks now were long since dead;
Their struggles long had ceased
Through hard work and through suffering
Their joys had been increased.

One day down near the entrance gate
There was an awful din
A hundred hens, all out of breath,
Were begging to come in.

"Oh, let us in!" the poor birds cried,
"Before we do expire!
'Tis only by the merest inch..."

This epic really has no end because
No matter how you fight 'em,
Those hens will show up every time
And so... ad infinitum.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Oregon clinic offers do-it-yourself abortion pills

We already have doctor assisted suicide here, now Planned Parenthood is pushing a stay-at-home foeticide pill. That's right, now YOU can abort your child by taking two of these and calling your doctor in the morning...

Read more here.

Or don't.  Heck, I wouldn't.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go slam my head on a large tree stump.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Tag, The Fed's It.

Ollie, Ollie, Oxen Free!  The Federal Reserve Building in New York City gets a much needed face-lift.

H/T Humble Libertarian.

For more info on the audit the fed and end the fed efforts, please visit our friends at Campaign for Liberty.

Libertarianism: What You Don't Understand About it and Why

Let's face it.  I'll help you, here, because I know it's tough.  I want you to say: "I am an idiot."

Yeah, yeah, very funny.  Now, I don't want you to say "You're an idiot" again.  I want you to say "I am an idiot" those words precisely...very important for this exercise.

Go ahead, you can do it.

"I am an idiot."

See that wasn't so har--HEY WAIT A SECOND!  Shouts your inner know-it-all self.  Why am I an idiot...precisely?

Well, I'll tell you, idiot.  You are an idiot because you continue to vote for the same liberal or conservative meatheads that never live up to expectation.  In fact, you've become so accustomed to political disappointment that you've adopted silly little catch-phrases (which you wholeheartedly believe--and some for good reason) like:

  1. All politicians are liars. (i.e. Q: When can you tell that a politician is lying?  A: His mouth is moving.)
  2. The government is riddled by and with incompetence.
  3. Campaign promises aren't really promises.
  4. It's the worst government in the world...except for all the other governments of the world.
  5. The size of the national debt doesn’t matter because we owe it to ourselves.
  6. Nanny State...saying this isn't necessarily bad, saying it like you say it (i.e. en passant) is VILE.
Yes.  You are an idiot because you believe one or more of these things to be true.  And whether one of these clanking cliche's ring true or none of them, the very fact that we've grown accustomed to any of them is a big, fat problem.  And what have you done about it?  Lots!  You say.  I've done lots!
  1. You volunteered for a campaign you thought would be different.  Kudos!  So, how'd that work out for you?  
  2. You constantly called your representative on an issue you really, really cared about and that you thought your representative would care about.  How'd that go?
  3. You started a blog and spewed forth your conceptualizations and frustrations in hopes that someone of importance might take you seriously.  Ha!  Ha-ha-ha-hahahahahahaha!
  4. You went to rallies or protests and turned over cars or knocked old ladies down because, damnit, you're mad as hell and you're just not going to take it anymore!  And, here you are, taking it...more so than you used to.
  5. You wallowed in self regret until you finally felt hopeless about the whole politics thing and decided, in a fit of grief, to put all the episodes of LOST on your computer and play them in shuffle mode to really amplify your despair and sense of universal disenfranchisement.  Oh, buddy, you're in a world of hurt...
Don't worry, idiot, you're not alone.  As you so coyly pointed out at the beginning of this post, I, your humble Libertarian host, was once an idiot just like you.

A while back I engaged in a rather heated over-the-phone conversation about this country's strident leaps toward socialism.  During the course of that conversation, the opposing debater said:  "What about Social Security?  Certainly you like that!"  And my response was a crisp, emphatic, frothing, rancorous "No!"  Well, the person whom I was engaged in this little quodlibet with was uniquely astonished.  No one, it seems, in their right mind, would dare say they thought Social Security was "unacceptable socialism".  But I went further.  "Social Security" I said, "is a scam."  And it is.  Social Security is a scam the size of which makes Bernie Madoff's endeavor look like a lunch money shakedown.  It is a Ponzi scheme of the worst kind--it is legal.

Little does my debate partner realize that, by the most conservative estimates, Social Security will run out of money two years before I'm eligible to collect one RED cent from it.  Oh joy!  Where do I sign up?

It'll never happen, you say.  They'll figure something out.  They'll print more money.  Something will happen and it'll be fixed.

I'm laughing at you, not with you, I promise.

But you see, that's the problem.  To fix a problem created by the U.S. government, the U.S. government creates another problem.  And then they concoct a remedy for that failure and a fix-all for the problems that created and then they need a cure for that failed policy until one day all we have is some dangling empire of lies garbled together and bound by duct tape.

But it doesn't have to be that way.  It really, really doesn't.  That's where I come in.  (Yes.  I am awesome.)

I have, for the benefit of you and me and the future of us all, dedicated many minutes a day since that argument mentioned previously to write down all the vast government programs involved in this vicious cycle.  In my book, Libertarianism:  What You Don't Understand About it and Why, I address and answer the following:

1. What these programs are, how they came to be, how they are funded, what they do or are supposed to do, etc.

2.  Why you don't understand that these programs are evil and should not only be discontinued, but outlawed.

3.  Why you consistently lie to yourself and say these programs are "working".

4.  There is no four, I just think ending a list at three is bad luck.

And it's yours for only 14.95.

What the...you say?

That's right, I'm a free market libertarian, you think I'm going to tell you why you're a complete idiot for free?  Guess again, sucker.  And I care not a whit that you're thinking right now:  "This shameless know-nothing, nobody, cocky, moronic s.o.b.!  Why the hell would this guy think I would send him anything!?"

I don't.  You won't.

You'll just keep sending that money to the federal government until the day you retire.  And then, one day (the day right after you retire) when you get NOTHING from the U.S. government, no return on your investment, you'll think back about this cocky idiot and about how he tried to warn you.

See, that's the problem with you sad, pathetic idiots.  You're pandered to.  You think you have the right to not be called an idiot.  You think you're informed.  You're not informed.  If you were informed this government wouldn't be running amok with or without your input and/or faux attempts at bending it to your meekly little will.  You're so used to getting information--vital information about how the world SHOULD work--for free.  The internet is full of would-be pundits and idiot savants who can bloviate like nobody's business.  Because that's what it is.  A non-business.  Sure, some of us may be making a little cash doing this, but in order to have a business, you have to have a viable production.   And, I see no production.  Nothing we've said or done has had an effect so far.  Don't get me started on these neo-cons the teaparty movement has successfully hoisted up over democrats of late.  That, my dear idiots, is not production in any sense of the word.

I say it's information about how the world SHOULD work that we're all looking for and the actual real-time means of producing that which SHOULD be.  Am I right?  This is what my book really does.  It gives you the power to become something more than an a useful idiot, it gives you the power to produce real results in politics.  I mean, we already know how the world DOES work (Social Madoff Security), and if you don't know how the world works, don't buy my book.  I don't want you reading it.  You don't deserve to read it.  Yet.

Alright so, if you're frustrated with the idiots in your political party and how they constantly disappoint you, if your angry that the president you elected is nothing more than an extension of the last presidency, or if your just yearning to find out why libertarians always seem to be chuckling internally when some bank fails or some mortgage company comes begging for a hand out, or when the primary stockholders of a certain car company (The U.S. Gub'ment)  are holding investigative hearings pertaining to one of its major competitors, or why you have to pay twelve bucks to park your car in the forest, send me your money and I'll enlighten you.

Until I get your money.  You're an idiot.

That's it, that's all.  

P.S. Don't send me any money you idiots, I didn't write any damned book.  These books have already been written by dudes with actual credentials.  So what was the point of all this?  I dunno, idiot, you figure it out.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Colorado brings abacus to gunfight with Amazon

Apparently, it's not just the "stupid white hillbilly redneck racist loser antisocial fascist" (did I forget anything?) teapartiers who are fed up with the culture of excessive taxation in this country. this is from Steve Green's website (via his email inbox):
Dear Colorado-based Amazon Associate:
We are writing from the Amazon Associates Program to inform you that the Colorado government recently enacted a law to impose sales tax regulations on online retailers. The regulations are burdensome and no other state has similar rules. The new regulations do not require online retailers to collect sales tax. Instead, they are clearly intended to increase the compliance burden to a point where online retailers will be induced to “voluntarily” collect Colorado sales tax — a course we won’t take.
We and many others strongly opposed this legislation, known as HB 10-1193, but it was enacted anyway. Regrettably, as a result of the new law, we have decided to stop advertising through Associates based in Colorado. We plan to continue to sell to Colorado residents, however, and will advertise through other channels, including through Associates based in other states.
There is a right way for Colorado to pursue its revenue goals, but this new law is a wrong way. As we repeatedly communicated to Colorado legislators, including those who sponsored and supported the new law, we are not opposed to collecting sales tax within a constitutionally-permissible system applied even-handedly. The US Supreme Court has defined what would be constitutional, and if Colorado would repeal the current law or follow the constitutional approach to collection, we would welcome the opportunity to reinstate Colorado-based Associates.
You may express your views of Colorado’s new law to members of the General Assembly and to Governor Ritter, who signed the bill.
Your Associates account has been closed as of March 8, 2010, and we will no longer pay advertising fees for customers you refer to Amazon.com after that date. Please be assured that all qualifying advertising fees earned prior to March 8, 2010, will be processed and paid in accordance with our regular payment schedule. Based on your account closure date of March 8, any final payments will be paid by May 31, 2010.
We have enjoyed working with you and other Colorado-based participants in the Amazon Associates Program, and wish you all the best in your future.
Best Regards,
The Amazon Associates Team
Notice that Amazon has just, in essence, fired all their associates in Colorado...and that means less revenue for the state from these people and from Amazon itself (which is the big target). It is indicative of the "tax first" culture we have developed here in the States. One can only wonder if the State will repeal this law when they figure out they are actually making less in way of this new tax than they did before...