Hic Iacet Bonum Membrum Virile

So I'm pondering--rather loosely--Benedick's character in Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing.  Since I'm now officially "adept in Latin" (which is to say, I have my portable Latin dictionary on me at all times--which is also to say:  adeptus in Latinam--didn't really need a dictionary for that), and since I have a notion that Bill (Mr. Shakespeare to you) likes to play with names, I thought instantly about a smart ass uncle I used to have when I read some lines of Benedick in this play.

But before I let humor (pick a humor, any humor) sweep this pile of wordplay into some lapsus linguae (a slip of the tongue) let me just say this about that.  Bene, as you probably know, means (gasp!) "good", in Latin.  as in "well" or "thorough", we just say "good" in English, because we're lazy:

"How are you?"

"Good."

"How's the food?"

"Good."

"How's work?"

"Good."

"You're a dick."







Good.

I'm just going to mix things up from now on and answer like Daniel Day Lewis in Gangs of New York:  a nice, toothsome, Bene.  If you haven't seen it, just do your best Italian papa tasting the sauce before dinner impression:  Bene!  

That's the ticket.

Usually the name Benedick is spelled with a "ct" at the end.  Hence:  Benedict.  I say usually, you may know better what name was what in the bene old days, than I.  At any rate, "dict" cometh from dictum, which, in Latin, means:  that which is said.  Or, perhaps more apt for Much Ado, dictum could mean "witticism".  So his name, this Benedick fellow, should mean:  Good Wit.  Bene=Good.  Dictum=Wit.  I guess I can buy that...

But that's not his name, now is it?  Ok, so, "bene" (D.D. Lewis style, if you please) still means "good", and dick...well, that is D-I-C-K.  See?  Lapsus linguae.  

Applies a whole other level to: "You're a Dick."  "Good."  Doesn't it?


Off the record, my wife thinks I have a serious Freudian thing going on in my head.  My favorite book of all time is Moby Dick and my favorite author is Philip K. Dick.  I'm not sure what to do with that...Maybe I'll speak more Latin.  Helps me cope.  Membrum virile?


We can't possibly argue this Benedick's propensity (Latin: propondere), toward wit.  He's one witty dude (No Latin dictum for "dude", sorry).  Which leads me back to the uncle I used to have.  He used to say things like this Benedick character, except he had no D.D. Lewis qualities about him whatsoever.  He was a Nebraska feller, complete with the Midwest way of talk, so maybe you can imagine him belting out:  "Well dip me in apple butter and call me a muskret!"

I have no idea what that means, but it was pretty funny when he said it.

I remember some old ninny or other was always telling that uncle of mine to "pipe down!"  But he wouldn't.  He loved it when they told him to stop.  He got worse.  Kind of like our pal Benedick. "Strike up the pipers!"  That was his response, his, yeah, this is an easy one:  modus operandi.

I say whenever someone says something like "Strike up the pipers!", the only response should be "Bene!"

Here is my favorite quote from Benedick:
        "Hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot me!"

Much Ado, much like this stupid blog post, is just an excuse to exemplify wit.  That's what it seems like.  There are these people dressing up to trick those people who are tricking someone else...even their language out of guise is a guise.  That old uncle of mine said all those funny euphemistic things...I still don't know what any of them meant:
          "Well, paint me in polka dots and call me a curly!"

What the hell does that mean?!  Dunno.

But it's bene.

Why does the guy that shoots Benedick get to be called "Adam"?  Is that a good thing?  No idea.

I know if someone shot my good dick, I'd be calling him something nastier than "Adam".

Here's the point:  I can't hyper analyze it all.  Who can?  I'm certain being called Adam means something--in fact, I looked around and found a few conflicting reports on the whole cat in the jar deal.  And now I'm just confused, not entertained.  Non bene.  Yeah, yeah, I know you never thought shooting the cat in the jar was funny in the first place.  I told you, I'm from Nebraska, which gives me license to laugh at the cat in the jar joke and you license to laugh at my hillbillity which gives me license to laugh at your snobbery and pretty soon we're in the middle of Much Ado About Nothing ourselves, realizing we've just accomplished nothing so we add some Latin nomenclatures and go to quarto.

Fine, here we are.  In the play.  I get to be Benedick. We can get serious about something else.  Not this one.  Sometimes you just get to laugh!  That's what this play is all about:  "A college of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humour."  (V, III,101)

And when the old hags yell: "Pipe down!"  I get to say:
           "Think not of him till tomorrow:  I'll devise thee brave punishments for him.  Strike up pipers!"

Bene.  

Multo Bene.