Peanut Butter and Jelly!

You know what's great about this country? This is what's great about this little slice of God's green one.

That's right boys and squirrels.  Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches rock.  I don't care if you don't like peanut butter.  You know what?  At least half the most important people in my life absolutely loathe the PB&J.

Sadness, I am become.

Well, that's ok.  I more than make up for this strikingly flawed character trait in my significant others.  Trust me.  :D


In fact, I consider myself a THE world's premiere authority on how to make a PB&J.  And no, I'm not going to tell you what the secret is.  And yes, the link above is TOTALLY wrong.  So is this one.  And this one.  And even this one here, while it certainly gets points for going above and beyond the pale, is hopelessly wrong.

I'm so good at making the delectable goodness that is the PB&J (Or PB&Honey, or PBBanana&H or just plain ol' P) sandwich, I entrust the most hallowed exercise of producing this nation's greatest contribution to the global lunch menu to no one.  No one makes me a sandwich.

Which is a little bit odd, actually.  Since I rarely cook anything or make myself anything to eat around here that doesn't come out of a box and require the simple addition of milk.  Although, I think I broke a record this weekend by cooking not just one night but *gasp* two nights...IN A ROW!  Friday I instigated what the girls have mockingly--I think--dubbed "Daddy's Pizzeria" when I made my homemade pizza.  On Saturday I made spaghetti and meatballs...mmm...mmm!  Hey, I likes me some Italian food m'kay?

So why is it so painfully important that I make my own PB&J and not simply follow the directions on the box that is the internet or Betty Crocker's cookbook?  (And yes, there is a recipe for PB&J's in that book.  And yes, it too is a miserable failure)  I dunno.  But, I know I'm not alone since there are forty thousand freakin' websites devoted to the sandwich itself, and countless others which errantly attempt to explain to you, the PB&J layman, how to consummate the union of peanutty goodness with fluffy white bread and lumps of sticky, sugary, fruitish-type stuff.

I know there is a moral in here somewhere...but I can't concentrate long enough to pick it out for you.  Because, right now, I'm hungry.  So, I'll just do a rapid fire before I consult the pantry:

Go make your own sandwich!   And no, you may not use my peanut butter.  And no, you STILL may not have my recipe.

That's it.  That's all.